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hat_plays_simsLast night, I got an anonymous post from someone who I thought had given up on convincing me to help them stir up trouble, or support them in their trouble, or-- honestly I'm not sure what they thought they were doing, but their post read like a list of warning signs for "If he does this, this, and that, run for the hills, you probably won't get out of this relationship alive."
Eventually, after I made it clear that I was not buying what the anon was selling (look, you send me nine paragraphs of trying to convince me to help you tear down another woman, and I'm not going to be nice to you, not even right out of the gate, sorry not sorry as the kids these days say), I got a nice little explosion wherein the anon informed me that they're glad Trump won because he's a Real American, that they're glad my 'bitch queen' Hillary lost, compared President Obama to a false god and thus, me to a worshiper of false gods (that gets you sent to Hell, doesn't it?), and called me a couple of names that were, frankly, a step down from the delicate implication of breaking an Old Testament commandment.
I was shaky when I made last night's post, and I said some stuff that was funny in my head, but I think it was 'funny in my head' in more of an adrenaline-crash 'oh my god did they seriously end what could've been a threat to my life by calling me a little monkey?' way than actually being funny. So, having had some time to think-- and re-read, and a long comment to answer, here's what I actually want to say to anyone still reading or following this blog:
When you start researching the Middle Ages-- and definitely when you start researching Vikings-- you learn pretty quickly that there are two kinds of hobbyist Medievalists.
There are the people who want to know what things were like in as much nitty-gritty detail as possible, especially as might pertain to whatever special area of history tickles their fancy. What sort of seams were on a houpelande? How heavy was a hauberk? Just how much smaller was a Medieval ox than a modern steer? Why didn't Saxons eat chicken eggs if they ate chickens? What was the Danelaw? If we don't actually know what apron dresses looked like, why do all the reenactors wear them the same way? Were there any black people in Medieval England?
Then there are the people who find the Middle Ages fascinating because they haven't, and don't intend to, learn about it beyond Victorian revisionism of the period. They want to keep reading about Europe, before the Age of Sail, before the purchase of the first African slave or acceptance of the first brownish refugee, when the whole continent was white people. The men were white, and they were strong Christian white men who kept their families in line with a firm hand. The women were white and silent (if they knew what was good for them). The children were white and obedient. The kings were white, and the good kings were tall, good-looking men who kicked Saracen ass for the glory of Christendom, while the bad kings were short, misshapen men who murdered little children or overtaxed therich barons good free men of England, and always got their comeuppance in the end.
And it can be hard to know who's who. The second group sounds a lot like the first when you're talking about types of shoes or the worst jobs in a Medieval castle. And the second type often thinks that, because the first type is just as interested in the trappings of the Middle Ages as they are, the first type is just as white supremacist, too.
This can get particularly troublesome lately, because the incoming American presidential administration pretty much shares those views of a totally white, totally Christian, totally heterosexual utopia enforced by violence and the fear of violence.
I am a white person; I have white nonsense to unlearn (I'm working on it, it's a process). I'm also mentally ill, queer, and a cis woman.
This blog is a zero-tolerance zone for white supremacists, Neo-Nazis, fascists, and supporters of such. Anyone who stands for Donald Trump stands for putting my life* in legalized jeopardy, and is cordially invited to fuck right off my blog and unfollow me forever. I will not welcome debate on this topic. I will not agree to disagree. On ne passe pas.
Anonymous comments are currently screened, but still allowed. OpenID is still allowed, and Dreamwidth (although not busy) is free to join just in case some asshat ruins both anonymous commenting and OpenID for everyone. Disruptive comments will be frozen or deleted at my sole discretion.
*And the lives of a shitload of other Americans who happen to be a little browner or a little queerer or a little less Christian than the rest, but if I can't make them care about what happens to me through the content I've made, then I can't make them care about people they don't know, unfortunately.
99% of this blog will always be Sims related, history-related, or state-of-the-Hat posts explaining stuff that's affecting my ability to Sim or history or Sim History. Sorry for the disruption. Unless you're a white supremacist or white-supremacist-adjacent, in which case I'm not sorry about anything and I hope you step on a Lego. In bare feet, in the middle of the night, while you have a full bladder.
Original post below, it's terrible but it feels dishonest to just delete it.
This is a very petty post.
Hello everyone! Tonight I bring you a cheerful message.
Paradox07 is not on my side. Of anything. Apparently.
I don't know if she's decided to clamber unprompted onto anyone else's personal sites waving a laundry list of insults in Sunni's general direction, demanding help spreading word that a website administrator is a tyrant, but hey, that's how she came to mine, and now you get to be prepared in case she comes into yours. If she already visited you, now you know what happens when she's confronted, and that you're not the only person she's approached. (Was I defensive? Yes. I will always be defensive if your opening statement to me is to baselessly rip the hell out of another woman's character, because I will always be wondering, "And what do you think about me?")
Do not go out of your way to bother Paradox07, please. She's not worth the words I used on her; she's definitely not worth your time.
I'm making this post, and making an example of Paradox07, to say that if your politics are as Trumpist as hers, you are cordially invited to unfollow me forever. I am neither heterosexual nor neurotypical; Friday's regime change means I spend the next four years literally afraid for my life and bodily autonomy. I do not create content for neo-Nazis, neo-Nazi supporters, or people who think I deserve to live in terror.
Anonymous comments are going to be screened for a while, I think. OpenID is still available.
Eventually, after I made it clear that I was not buying what the anon was selling (look, you send me nine paragraphs of trying to convince me to help you tear down another woman, and I'm not going to be nice to you, not even right out of the gate, sorry not sorry as the kids these days say), I got a nice little explosion wherein the anon informed me that they're glad Trump won because he's a Real American, that they're glad my 'bitch queen' Hillary lost, compared President Obama to a false god and thus, me to a worshiper of false gods (that gets you sent to Hell, doesn't it?), and called me a couple of names that were, frankly, a step down from the delicate implication of breaking an Old Testament commandment.
I was shaky when I made last night's post, and I said some stuff that was funny in my head, but I think it was 'funny in my head' in more of an adrenaline-crash 'oh my god did they seriously end what could've been a threat to my life by calling me a little monkey?' way than actually being funny. So, having had some time to think-- and re-read, and a long comment to answer, here's what I actually want to say to anyone still reading or following this blog:
When you start researching the Middle Ages-- and definitely when you start researching Vikings-- you learn pretty quickly that there are two kinds of hobbyist Medievalists.
There are the people who want to know what things were like in as much nitty-gritty detail as possible, especially as might pertain to whatever special area of history tickles their fancy. What sort of seams were on a houpelande? How heavy was a hauberk? Just how much smaller was a Medieval ox than a modern steer? Why didn't Saxons eat chicken eggs if they ate chickens? What was the Danelaw? If we don't actually know what apron dresses looked like, why do all the reenactors wear them the same way? Were there any black people in Medieval England?
Then there are the people who find the Middle Ages fascinating because they haven't, and don't intend to, learn about it beyond Victorian revisionism of the period. They want to keep reading about Europe, before the Age of Sail, before the purchase of the first African slave or acceptance of the first brownish refugee, when the whole continent was white people. The men were white, and they were strong Christian white men who kept their families in line with a firm hand. The women were white and silent (if they knew what was good for them). The children were white and obedient. The kings were white, and the good kings were tall, good-looking men who kicked Saracen ass for the glory of Christendom, while the bad kings were short, misshapen men who murdered little children or overtaxed the
And it can be hard to know who's who. The second group sounds a lot like the first when you're talking about types of shoes or the worst jobs in a Medieval castle. And the second type often thinks that, because the first type is just as interested in the trappings of the Middle Ages as they are, the first type is just as white supremacist, too.
This can get particularly troublesome lately, because the incoming American presidential administration pretty much shares those views of a totally white, totally Christian, totally heterosexual utopia enforced by violence and the fear of violence.
I am a white person; I have white nonsense to unlearn (I'm working on it, it's a process). I'm also mentally ill, queer, and a cis woman.
This blog is a zero-tolerance zone for white supremacists, Neo-Nazis, fascists, and supporters of such. Anyone who stands for Donald Trump stands for putting my life* in legalized jeopardy, and is cordially invited to fuck right off my blog and unfollow me forever. I will not welcome debate on this topic. I will not agree to disagree. On ne passe pas.
Anonymous comments are currently screened, but still allowed. OpenID is still allowed, and Dreamwidth (although not busy) is free to join just in case some asshat ruins both anonymous commenting and OpenID for everyone. Disruptive comments will be frozen or deleted at my sole discretion.
*And the lives of a shitload of other Americans who happen to be a little browner or a little queerer or a little less Christian than the rest, but if I can't make them care about what happens to me through the content I've made, then I can't make them care about people they don't know, unfortunately.
99% of this blog will always be Sims related, history-related, or state-of-the-Hat posts explaining stuff that's affecting my ability to Sim or history or Sim History. Sorry for the disruption. Unless you're a white supremacist or white-supremacist-adjacent, in which case I'm not sorry about anything and I hope you step on a Lego. In bare feet, in the middle of the night, while you have a full bladder.
Original post below, it's terrible but it feels dishonest to just delete it.
This is a very petty post.
Hello everyone! Tonight I bring you a cheerful message.
Paradox07 is not on my side. Of anything. Apparently.
I don't know if she's decided to clamber unprompted onto anyone else's personal sites waving a laundry list of insults in Sunni's general direction, demanding help spreading word that a website administrator is a tyrant, but hey, that's how she came to mine, and now you get to be prepared in case she comes into yours. If she already visited you, now you know what happens when she's confronted, and that you're not the only person she's approached. (Was I defensive? Yes. I will always be defensive if your opening statement to me is to baselessly rip the hell out of another woman's character, because I will always be wondering, "And what do you think about me?")
Do not go out of your way to bother Paradox07, please. She's not worth the words I used on her; she's definitely not worth your time.
I'm making this post, and making an example of Paradox07, to say that if your politics are as Trumpist as hers, you are cordially invited to unfollow me forever. I am neither heterosexual nor neurotypical; Friday's regime change means I spend the next four years literally afraid for my life and bodily autonomy. I do not create content for neo-Nazis, neo-Nazi supporters, or people who think I deserve to live in terror.
Anonymous comments are going to be screened for a while, I think. OpenID is still available.
My Deepest Apologies and Moving On
Date: 2017-01-29 01:35 am (UTC)We have spoken minimally over the years. I admire your fortitude and respect your Sim body of work. Thank you for contributions.
I realize for you this is personal. Times are strange and people on edge. The US election bred chaos. Fear is used to justify hatred, bigotry and intolerance in the name of patriotism and protection. As a minority, my spirit has been in great unrest, so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. A saving grace at the moment is getting involved by using my 'pen' to fight against the normalization of bigotry. Inalienable rights should never be up for debate. Please know you are not alone. There is support and love from groups banning together to fight for your rights to simply be.
Initially, this thread had nothing to do with politics. But, it became about that in the end. Please don't feel you were targeted. That was not the case and I will touch on that below. This in no way minimizes the angst you must have felt, nor does it invalidate your genuine response to being violated. No one deserves that.
I am here is to hopefully give you a modicum of peace and to put an end to my being drawn into this nonsense. Your journal should not be used as playground for madness. I'm so sorry.
About Paradox
*************************
It seems I've been an absentee participant in ongoing PBK Drama. After this post, my participation ends permanently.
I will not try to justify or excuse any direct actions taken by Paradox. Only she can do that. However, I do want to bring balance. I spoke to Paradox a week or so after her ban. Paradox sought me out at a site where I Mod. She was rightfully distraught. We soon became "unlikely" friends.
I think people who abuse the power of the ban, come to a place where they cannot see that it is inhumane. The irony is that I sit in disgust as bans are being used in the US and bigotry is the new norm. Which makes this discourse tantamount insanity!
Some people use bans to get rid of perceived personal threats. Bans of this nature are often issued with little to no warning. Contrary to what Sunni claimed here, she unilaterally bans some people and oftentimes without telling the person or her Administrators, feigning ignorance of what is going on when asked.
Since my perfectly predictable and semi-stealth ban, I have a different view about bans. Bans meant to silence people or given without warning are cowardice. I prefer working things out through discussion without throwing my modding weight around like a bully. Banning people comes with responsibility and consequences.
Initially, I wanted to offer my support and allow Paradox to vent (as Jason did on Blue Heaven). As our friendship grew, Paradox admitted to saying things that may have rubbed people the wrong way. I thanked her for trusting me with her truth. Knowing the PBK community as I do, I told her that her words would definitely be problematic. In getting to know Paradox, I also realize she is not an intentionally cruel person beneath all that misdirected fire. She has a tendency to let her passions and personal experiences get the best of her. When this happens, people will be hurt.
Paradox and I don't always agree on things, but I don't condemn her beliefs. Paradox's personal experiences taint her view of similar situations. We've discussed how things like this take time to change, but are essential to cultivate relationships. Today, the two of us can discuss anything, including politics (which we often DO NOT agree on). But, it's alright. We grow and change by interacting with people who challenge us. Given the divisiveness in the States, I think it imperative people start talking 'to' one another with respect. My interactions with Paradox have been respectful. I realize she truly does not intend to piss people off. Unfortunately, she has to engage her filters and seek to understand other people's perspectives. Otherwise, things get out of hand as they did here.
A few weeks ago, Paradox and I discussed how she was handling things since the ban. She finally shared the full details (to include random e-mails). Paradox shared that she had posted a "warning bulletin" on several sites prior to contacting me. I told her I would have cautioned against doing this, because people would find it awkward and disruptive. We talked about my website being therapeutic. Initially I was going to simply create my website and move on. However, with Celestial Spider personally attacking David and I at MTS using information that could have only come from Sunni, I decided to add the Case Study (rather than submit to being bullied). I refuse to pander to paranoia, as Sunni continues to use others to gain information about how I choose to move on. I suggested for Paradox to find a healthy way to come to terms with it and let it go.
After taking a break to care for myself, I called Paradox yesterday. The banning experience can leave a person feeling vulnerable. We talked briefly about e-mail and Paradox explained she had a negative experience with you. I was surprised as my interactions with you have always been cordial, as had David's. I didn't realize that it was about the "warning bulletin". From Paradox's tone, I knew she must have said something controversial. So, I read everything here and then upon seeing Jason's involvement, I read everything on his site as well. I realized that Jason and Paradox have been working through her frustrations surrounding the ban in my absence.
That is the extent of my direct involvement.
______________
I personally don't have issue with much of what you said in reference to me. I realize you don't know what to believe. While I did not understand the tone taken after Paradox apologized, I realize that it was harsh for you. Given the current US climate, your state of health, and Frac & Sunni doing damage control, you were understandably suspicious.
In Paradox's defense (not that her actions against you are defensible), I know her ban was multi-dimensional and definitely involved more than political rants. Sunni wrote an e-mail to Paradox (dated November 12th) admitting that Paradox 'did not' receive any warnings. It also went on to call Paradox's posts "innocuous" (mostly harmless). Paradox expressed feeling violated (as I'm sure you felt here). Before I actually was in contact with Paradox, I received a strange e-mail from a cowardly ANONYMOUS person (who used a quote from Celestial Spider's e-mail to Paradox dated Nov 10, 2016). The IP didn't match Paradox. I suspect that Celestial Spider was trying to see if I had something to do with Paradox's situation. I did not. I was busy dealing with health issues.
Since Paradox shared her "warning bulletin" long before she contacted me, the idea that she was purposefully goading you is not accurate. I'm sure you will find that Paradox shared the same bulletin with many people. While Paradox was indeed somewhat presumptuous (and downright scary in the end), her initial post was the direct result of feeling powerless after the ban. With Frac and Sunni interjecting their version of the truth here, she went into self-defense mode. They are not as innocent as they suggest.
Paradox's original post was a bad idea. However, it did not start out as a personal attack against you. The timing was unfortunate and the exchanges heated on both sides.
__________________________
As for PBK Drama...It ends here!
********************************
The underlying assumption that I was in league with Paradox to destroy poor helpless Sunni is false. I had little direct involvement as to what transpired here, as I only found out about it yesterday. Paradox is an adult who makes her own decisions. My only influence would have been to discourage it.
Paradox and I communicate once or twice a month. But she is one of several Simmers I maintain contact with via e-mail and telephone. Fortunately, most of these communications have nothing to do with Sunni or PBK Drama.
With Sunni and her Jr. Staff (as this is not about the respected Sr. Staffers Walter and Eva), I find this idea of guilt-by-association repetitive. David's ban was exactly that. But, it's all moot now since David has moved on. Only someone obsessed with their own image would be into this.
I honestly don't care what others think of me. It is more important that I respect myself. Some people are quick to to believe you would stoop to their level. Since I am just coming to terms with having Celiac Disease (among other things), I spend most of my free time doing peaceful things.
I don't need anyone's permission or sympathy when it comes to Sunni. I already shared my insights on that sad reality in my Case Study. People who conceal the truth only thrive when they think they can get away with it. They will use any means necessary, including bullying others. After reading Sunni's deceptively repulsive comments about me here and seeing her downplay the vicious nature of her last post, where she was clearly attempting to use her position to silence me, it is truly deplorable.
Clearly time has changed nothing with Sunni. She is still seeing herself as a victim of a multitude of dramas where everyone else is wrong and she is being wrongfully vilified. It is no coincidence that she is the center of attention. How sad. I cannot relate to her theatrical selfishness. She intentionally hurts people, paints herself as the victim and then plays innocent when there is fallout.
In the past, she has gotten away with it, as she did with Raynuss. But no more. Where is her contrition for the lies she told after banning him? Ray and I have been friends throughout this time. I reached out to him in compassion shortly after he was banned. Back then, we didn't discuss the details. But, I know full well there is always two truths. Ray and a few others have since shared their truths with me surrounding Sunni and there is a definitive pattern. Sunni is definitely not innocent and I'm sure Ray will gladly provide the other side of that tragic abuse himself.
Sunni also showed no compassion for the disgusting way she treated me or David (who had been through the most disturbing hell which I equate with being a prerequisite to the US today). Fortunately, we don't need that from her. Neither of us would find meaning in such an apology. Not only did she fly off the handle about a situation she helped to create, but she proceeded to use her health to act as though I wronged her when in reality she wronged the PBK community as whole. Where is her contrition for that? Much of Sunni's "pain" is self-inflicted. Only she can make that pain go away.
Sunni is the common denominator in the drama. It started with Sunni using Heget and banning Raynuss under false pretenses years ago, using Frac and Spider to try to manipulate the PBK community into creating and donating money to their Pet Project, using Frac and Spider to ban and try to silence me and continuously using others to ensure her image is not tarnished (to include in that ridiculous situation with Jason after they asked him to share his content). It must be difficult living in a place of fear and distrust of your own creation. Oh what a tangled web we weave! Every time I am forced out of my sanctuary for Sunni's mess, it's time wasted. This will be the last time.
Since Sunni keeps insisting upon my sharing screenshots (directly and indirectly) and she refuses to stop poking around to see if I actually have them, I shall make the entirety of both threads available for download tomorrow morning on my "Case Study" website here:
http://casestudyinsims2forumetiquette.my-free.website/
They will remain on-line indefinitely and I will no longer be discussing Sunni or PBK Drama at all. I will continue to be available for others and to hear their stories, but this ends with that post. I will only be sharing the threads from PBK and MTS. Paradox can share her e-mails correspondences with Sunni and Spider herself (if she so chooses for verification purposes). Any other "proof" I have will remain sealed unless needed.
I'm not interested in the lies, denials and exaggerations Sunni spews concerning me and others (to include Raynuss, Jason, Paradox and many others). However, when a person cannot even be honest and is constantly playing games behind the scenes, there is no room for compromise. This is a rare thing for me not to extend compassion. However, given the denial, feigned innocence and deflection, I will no longer engage in thinking about Sunni at all. Sunni is officially a non-entity.
_____________
@ Jason
*******
You are my brother in love and a man with a wondrous spirit. I admire your extending yourself in kindness, instead of in judgement. Thank you for your friendship and support. I am strengthened by knowing you.
___________________________________________________________________________
@ Paradox
******
When I think about that temper of yours, I see bits of my younger self (given our age difference). All I can say is "Dial it back!" It is crucial for you to try to put yourself in other people's shoes before you speak. That is easier said than done, but it gets easier in time.
The situation with Hat understandably got out of hand. I don't think you actually have looked at things from her complete perspective. While it is empowering in the moment to try to get the better of someone when they attack you, your comments in the end (especially surrounding Trump) were over the top. Keep in mind that you came to her. Hat is one of many Americans whose freedoms are being gutted, which makes it difficult to have hope. Every action that Trump has taken is a disguise to prop up supremacy under the guise of 'protecting' Americans. It serves only to deny people their rights. Democracy is being replaced with an Oligarchy. The US is resembling isolationist bullies, shouting out "America First" and using 'protectionist propaganda' to pit people against each other. Meanwhile, minority groups and the disenfranchised (to include women) are being robbed of their rights and freedoms in major ways. This is a very troubling time. No one is 'winning' with Donald Trump as President, as Donald Trump is about putting his own twisted agendas first. That's the way master manipulator's work. It's all about the self.
I think your apology would have been better received if you simply apologized and let go of the situation altogether. Sometimes things are bigger than us. Keep in mind, that your "warning bulletins" made most people uncomfortable. I suggest deleting all of them. I hope you gained meaningful insight from this moving forward.
You are growing as person (as everyone should be). It's hard to step back when you are upset. Try to make amends when possible. Since your apology was not received, it would have been better to accept it with grace and walk away. In that way, you preserve your dignity and no harm is done.
As for what transpired at PBK, I encourage you once again to truly let this go once and for all. The best way to deal with Sunni is to make her irrelevant. She truly does not matter. You don't need revenge. You need peace. So, be vindicated in knowing that there are people who hear your truth. You need not be perfect, but the fact that you at least admit when you are wrong and apologize, you have my respect. Build on that and be and do better (as we all should).
We need not ever discuss Sunni or PBK Drama ever again. Take back your power.
_________________
@ Hat
*****
While there is great fear in the world, there is also great love. The majority of Americans do not hold to the bigotry, but people must stop fighting the other and turn to fighting to protect Democracy.
You are right, PBK Drama is not your fight, as it is pointless and serves no purpose for any of us here. So, please try to rest, take care of yourself, find hope beyond the madness that is and stay beautiful as you are!
I have nothing further to add.