Hey, Sunni, welcome to my hot mess, I'd really like to ask you not to worry about it but your name kinda did get dragged in.
Let me say-- let me bold this, actually, that I do not blame any site or site admin for a) the behavior of their members off the site or b) for the behavior of banned members.
The only person I hold responsible for Paradox07's behavior is Paradox07 herself. And this isn't the first time I've had someone get banned from a site I don't run and turn up here-- the last one was banned from GoS for spamming the request forum, and signed up to Dreamwidth just to PM their requests for literally thousands of hairs. Literally thousands. Nouk, Peggy, I think Raon, and definitely Newsea's entire mesh catalogs (I think there were more creators but I remember those four), more hairs than I've made in all my hair dumps put together, and all in a unique texture/action set combo that no one else uses. (I told them that was basically a full time job for a year, and if they were willing to pay me for my time we could negotiate. They called me unhelpful and deleted their Dreamwidth. ... I actually was serious, I will take on big stupid projects within my skillset that I have no personal use for if you offer a fair price for my time. Or a fair content trade. I really don't have a lot of shame.)
... Okay I'm off track. The point of that was supposed to be 'these things happen.'
Anyway: Sunni, I know we're not super-close or anything, I don't think in the seven years I've been in the Sims community, we've ever really talked about anything other than Sims, or unrelated to Sims. That doesn't upset me or make me think less of you; it just makes you a person doing your thing over where you are while I do my thing over where I am. I support your right to run your site the way you want, which is my stance for basically every website everywhere.
I don't feel like it's super-appropriate for me to weigh in on what went on with Ocelotekatl and the poseboxes and such; I have nothing against rape fantasy or porn or rape fantasy porn, but I support extensive trigger warnings the same way I support may contain trace amounts of peanuts or tree nuts warnings-- if that shit affects your health, it's non-trivial information, so it's reasonable to insist on those warnings. But if you want to use this post as neutral ground to talk to him about it, and he's willing, well, feel free, I guess. I don't think this particular comment section can get much more fraught than it was when he and I started talking. All I ask is that if he doesn't want to talk to you about it (here or at all), the matter gets dropped.
I do not think you need to justify your banning of Paradox07 on this blog. Her comments here would have rattled my alarm bells no matter who they were about (which I tried to make clear when omitted your name from my list of quotes; I was trying to take you out of it as a person and just show how fucked-up those statements were).
I also don't think it's necessary or even fair, really, to go into any real detail about Stephanie, at least not here; my official policy is still 'I don't have to care what happens on websites I don't run,' but it was Paradox07 who pulled Stephanie's name, writing, and bannination experience into this-- as far as I know, without Stephanie's permission or consent. It's not Stephanie's fault that Paradox07 leaned so hard on her writings.
While I don't like using the word 'drama' to describe conflicts like this (people are entitled to their feelings and I don't judge that; I judge what they do with those feelings but it's really hard to help what you feel)-- but, Sunni, everything Paradox07 said to me was textbook abuse-and-control tactics. Okay? Page one of the textbook, from the opening salvo of insults to painting herself as a bullying victim while haranguing me to trying to remove potential avenues of support to complimenting my work and turning around and gaslighting me right after-- all the way down to the table-flipping insults at the end, when she realized I wasn't going to be of any use to her so she had to try to cow me into submission.
Textbook abusive tactics.
And while she's already proved she has no scruples about offsite harassment, basically every blogging platform and social media site comes with tools to keep problem posters at bay-- even tumblr lets you turn off anon and ban specific users. I've turned on the second step of mine; I've always logged IP addresses, and now I'm screening anon comments. I can turn off anon comments, too, and disable OpenID so you have to have a Dreamwidth to comment-- and I can ban DW users (and I think OpenID users, actually) individually. I'm safe, I'm fine, I can tighten this place down until the only one who can SEE my posts is me, and only if I'm logged in. If you want to make sure your users are safe, remind them to look into their personal sites' security controls, so they know how to tighten them if they need to.
Believe me, believe me, I get how stressful this is better than anyone, but Paradox07 wants you to blame yourself for her behavior. 'Look what you made me do' is page two of that textbook.
It's hard to think clearly sometimes when your emotions are running high, but Sunni, I have been through this before, only with added emotional connections. (My father was not the world's best, and the reason the 'working copy of photoshop' line in my standard credits paragraph didn't disappear just because I got a newer version of Photoshop.) So deep breath, and remember this:
You said 'Not on my site,' and banned her, and her reaction to that is her problem.
Paradox07 is responsible for her own words and actions. She came to my site-- and to Blue Heaven Sims. She tried to spread dissent, she tried to get us to split the fanbase. She started cribbing Stephanie's style. She decided to try gaslighting me. She did all that. Those were her decisions.
I appreciate your apology and I'm going to take it as 'I'm sorry this happened,' because this isn't your fault.
no subject
Let me say-- let me bold this, actually, that I do not blame any site or site admin for a) the behavior of their members off the site or b) for the behavior of banned members.
The only person I hold responsible for Paradox07's behavior is Paradox07 herself. And this isn't the first time I've had someone get banned from a site I don't run and turn up here-- the last one was banned from GoS for spamming the request forum, and signed up to Dreamwidth just to PM their requests for literally thousands of hairs. Literally thousands. Nouk, Peggy, I think Raon, and definitely Newsea's entire mesh catalogs (I think there were more creators but I remember those four), more hairs than I've made in all my hair dumps put together, and all in a unique texture/action set combo that no one else uses. (I told them that was basically a full time job for a year, and if they were willing to pay me for my time we could negotiate. They called me unhelpful and deleted their Dreamwidth. ... I actually was serious, I will take on big stupid projects within my skillset that I have no personal use for if you offer a fair price for my time. Or a fair content trade. I really don't have a lot of shame.)
... Okay I'm off track. The point of that was supposed to be 'these things happen.'
Anyway: Sunni, I know we're not super-close or anything, I don't think in the seven years I've been in the Sims community, we've ever really talked about anything other than Sims, or unrelated to Sims. That doesn't upset me or make me think less of you; it just makes you a person doing your thing over where you are while I do my thing over where I am. I support your right to run your site the way you want, which is my stance for basically every website everywhere.
I don't feel like it's super-appropriate for me to weigh in on what went on with Ocelotekatl and the poseboxes and such; I have nothing against rape fantasy or porn or rape fantasy porn, but I support extensive trigger warnings the same way I support may contain trace amounts of peanuts or tree nuts warnings-- if that shit affects your health, it's non-trivial information, so it's reasonable to insist on those warnings. But if you want to use this post as neutral ground to talk to him about it, and he's willing, well, feel free, I guess. I don't think this particular comment section can get much more fraught than it was when he and I started talking. All I ask is that if he doesn't want to talk to you about it (here or at all), the matter gets dropped.
I do not think you need to justify your banning of Paradox07 on this blog. Her comments here would have rattled my alarm bells no matter who they were about (which I tried to make clear when omitted your name from my list of quotes; I was trying to take you out of it as a person and just show how fucked-up those statements were).
I also don't think it's necessary or even fair, really, to go into any real detail about Stephanie, at least not here; my official policy is still 'I don't have to care what happens on websites I don't run,' but it was Paradox07 who pulled Stephanie's name, writing, and bannination experience into this-- as far as I know, without Stephanie's permission or consent. It's not Stephanie's fault that Paradox07 leaned so hard on her writings.
While I don't like using the word 'drama' to describe conflicts like this (people are entitled to their feelings and I don't judge that; I judge what they do with those feelings but it's really hard to help what you feel)-- but, Sunni, everything Paradox07 said to me was textbook abuse-and-control tactics. Okay? Page one of the textbook, from the opening salvo of insults to painting herself as a bullying victim while haranguing me to trying to remove potential avenues of support to complimenting my work and turning around and gaslighting me right after-- all the way down to the table-flipping insults at the end, when she realized I wasn't going to be of any use to her so she had to try to cow me into submission.
Textbook abusive tactics.
And while she's already proved she has no scruples about offsite harassment, basically every blogging platform and social media site comes with tools to keep problem posters at bay-- even tumblr lets you turn off anon and ban specific users. I've turned on the second step of mine; I've always logged IP addresses, and now I'm screening anon comments. I can turn off anon comments, too, and disable OpenID so you have to have a Dreamwidth to comment-- and I can ban DW users (and I think OpenID users, actually) individually. I'm safe, I'm fine, I can tighten this place down until the only one who can SEE my posts is me, and only if I'm logged in. If you want to make sure your users are safe, remind them to look into their personal sites' security controls, so they know how to tighten them if they need to.
Believe me, believe me, I get how stressful this is better than anyone, but Paradox07 wants you to blame yourself for her behavior. 'Look what you made me do' is page two of that textbook.
It's hard to think clearly sometimes when your emotions are running high, but Sunni, I have been through this before, only with added emotional connections. (My father was not the world's best, and the reason the 'working copy of photoshop' line in my standard credits paragraph didn't disappear just because I got a newer version of Photoshop.) So deep breath, and remember this:
You said 'Not on my site,' and banned her, and her reaction to that is her problem.
Paradox07 is responsible for her own words and actions. She came to my site-- and to Blue Heaven Sims. She tried to spread dissent, she tried to get us to split the fanbase. She started cribbing Stephanie's style. She decided to try gaslighting me. She did all that. Those were her decisions.
I appreciate your apology and I'm going to take it as 'I'm sorry this happened,' because this isn't your fault.