hat_plays_sims: All I did was crop-- go read Bite Me by Dylan Meconis, you'll laugh. (Default)
[personal profile] hat_plays_sims
Last night, I got an anonymous post from someone who I thought had given up on convincing me to help them stir up trouble, or support them in their trouble, or-- honestly I'm not sure what they thought they were doing, but their post read like a list of warning signs for "If he does this, this, and that, run for the hills, you probably won't get out of this relationship alive."

Eventually, after I made it clear that I was not buying what the anon was selling (look, you send me nine paragraphs of trying to convince me to help you tear down another woman, and I'm not going to be nice to you, not even right out of the gate, sorry not sorry as the kids these days say), I got a nice little explosion wherein the anon informed me that they're glad Trump won because he's a Real American, that they're glad my 'bitch queen' Hillary lost, compared President Obama to a false god and thus, me to a worshiper of false gods (that gets you sent to Hell, doesn't it?), and called me a couple of names that were, frankly, a step down from the delicate implication of breaking an Old Testament commandment.

I was shaky when I made last night's post, and I said some stuff that was funny in my head, but I think it was 'funny in my head' in more of an adrenaline-crash 'oh my god did they seriously end what could've been a threat to my life by calling me a little monkey?' way than actually being funny. So, having had some time to think-- and re-read, and a long comment to answer, here's what I actually want to say to anyone still reading or following this blog:

When you start researching the Middle Ages-- and definitely when you start researching Vikings-- you learn pretty quickly that there are two kinds of hobbyist Medievalists.

There are the people who want to know what things were like in as much nitty-gritty detail as possible, especially as might pertain to whatever special area of history tickles their fancy. What sort of seams were on a houpelande? How heavy was a hauberk? Just how much smaller was a Medieval ox than a modern steer? Why didn't Saxons eat chicken eggs if they ate chickens? What was the Danelaw? If we don't actually know what apron dresses looked like, why do all the reenactors wear them the same way? Were there any black people in Medieval England?

Then there are the people who find the Middle Ages fascinating because they haven't, and don't intend to, learn about it beyond Victorian revisionism of the period. They want to keep reading about Europe, before the Age of Sail, before the purchase of the first African slave or acceptance of the first brownish refugee, when the whole continent was white people. The men were white, and they were strong Christian white men who kept their families in line with a firm hand. The women were white and silent (if they knew what was good for them). The children were white and obedient. The kings were white, and the good kings were tall, good-looking men who kicked Saracen ass for the glory of Christendom, while the bad kings were short, misshapen men who murdered little children or overtaxed the rich barons good free men of England, and always got their comeuppance in the end.

And it can be hard to know who's who. The second group sounds a lot like the first when you're talking about types of shoes or the worst jobs in a Medieval castle. And the second type often thinks that, because the first type is just as interested in the trappings of the Middle Ages as they are, the first type is just as white supremacist, too.

This can get particularly troublesome lately, because the incoming American presidential administration pretty much shares those views of a totally white, totally Christian, totally heterosexual utopia enforced by violence and the fear of violence.

I am a white person; I have white nonsense to unlearn (I'm working on it, it's a process). I'm also mentally ill, queer, and a cis woman.

This blog is a zero-tolerance zone for white supremacists, Neo-Nazis, fascists, and supporters of such. Anyone who stands for Donald Trump stands for putting my life* in legalized jeopardy, and is cordially invited to fuck right off my blog and unfollow me forever. I will not welcome debate on this topic. I will not agree to disagree. On ne passe pas.

Anonymous comments are currently screened, but still allowed. OpenID is still allowed, and Dreamwidth (although not busy) is free to join just in case some asshat ruins both anonymous commenting and OpenID for everyone. Disruptive comments will be frozen or deleted at my sole discretion.

*And the lives of a shitload of other Americans who happen to be a little browner or a little queerer or a little less Christian than the rest, but if I can't make them care about what happens to me through the content I've made, then I can't make them care about people they don't know, unfortunately.

99% of this blog will always be Sims related, history-related, or state-of-the-Hat posts explaining stuff that's affecting my ability to Sim or history or Sim History. Sorry for the disruption. Unless you're a white supremacist or white-supremacist-adjacent, in which case I'm not sorry about anything and I hope you step on a Lego. In bare feet, in the middle of the night, while you have a full bladder.

Original post below, it's terrible but it feels dishonest to just delete it.

This is a very petty post.




Hello everyone! Tonight I bring you a cheerful message.

Paradox07 is not on my side. Of anything. Apparently.

I don't know if she's decided to clamber unprompted onto anyone else's personal sites waving a laundry list of insults in Sunni's general direction, demanding help spreading word that a website administrator is a tyrant, but hey, that's how she came to mine, and now you get to be prepared in case she comes into yours. If she already visited you, now you know what happens when she's confronted, and that you're not the only person she's approached. (Was I defensive? Yes. I will always be defensive if your opening statement to me is to baselessly rip the hell out of another woman's character, because I will always be wondering, "And what do you think about me?")

Do not go out of your way to bother Paradox07, please. She's not worth the words I used on her; she's definitely not worth your time.

I'm making this post, and making an example of Paradox07, to say that if your politics are as Trumpist as hers, you are cordially invited to unfollow me forever. I am neither heterosexual nor neurotypical; Friday's regime change means I spend the next four years literally afraid for my life and bodily autonomy. I do not create content for neo-Nazis, neo-Nazi supporters, or people who think I deserve to live in terror.

Anonymous comments are going to be screened for a while, I think. OpenID is still available.

Date: 2017-01-18 10:23 pm (UTC)
From: (Anonymous)
I'm not going to ask you to reply or anything, since you've said your spoons are low and everything (and boy, do I know what that feels like). I just wanted to wish you well after having to deal with this person. Stay safe and happy new year.

--Anna (Writershy in some simming places. Big fan by the way.)

Date: 2017-01-19 01:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueheavensims.blogspot.mx
Well. This is a steaming hot mess, isn’t it?

Hi, Hat. It’s been a while. I don’t think I ever expressed my sympathies regarding Harley. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. She looked like a sweet kitty.

I don’t even know where to begin a proper response. I guess let me preface by saying:

A. that I have zero interest in gender politics, identity politics, U.S. politics, or politics politics. If you’re consenting, informed adults and you make each other happy, more power to ya. I haven’t lived in the States full time for (*slowly counts on fingers*) (goodness, has it been THAT long?) 22 years, and I really didn’t have a pony in the race. To an outsider, debating Hillary vs. Trump is like debating the merits of orange-flavored dogsh*t vs. strawberry-flavored dogsh*t; neither option is particularly great. What I’m still scratching my head about is how the conversation got so severely derailed.

B. that I’ll do the best I can to present this from an unbiased perspective. I’ve gone it alone for the most part after SimTrek closed for good, but my closest friends in the simming community have consistently been NixNivis and StephSim, so my perspective may be slightly skewed.

C. that I’m done with forum drama. I had my fill in my early MTS days, and watched it rear its ugly head again at SimTrek, at Garden of Shadows, at Back Alley Sims, and so on. It accomplishes nothing, and all of that negative energy can be used in much more constructive ways (i.e. CREATING AWESOME SIMS 2 STUFF). I’m not here to cause more drama. I’m here (hopefully) to mend fences.

Overall, my experience with PBK has been meh to positive. I lurked for a long, long time, contributed content for a few months, and finally wandered off to do my own thing. My dealings with the admins and moderators were mostly upbeat. Wawa and wawayaya are good people, and CelestialSpider is a sweetheart. My exchanges with Frac were a bit more limited: the few PMs we exchanged were mostly technical stuff about the inner workings of an overlay box. Steph and Paradox07 have a different opinion in this regard, but I honestly haven’t had any negative exchanges with her and I respect her ability as a creator.

My experience with Sunni is limited to her decision to remove several of my posts. Essentially, this is what happened:

1. Frac invited me to share an 18+ posebox, which I had posted at my adult blog, behind the adult wall at PBK.

2. I shared the posebox, and continued sharing both family-friendly and adult content at PBK

3. One of the members was *triggered* by the images from one of the poseboxes I shared and made a fuss about, even though
a. The post was behind the adult wall, which has a clear warning about the content therein
b. The post was not in violation of any community guidelines at the time when it was posted (the guidelines have since been rewritten).
c. A clear warning was displayed at the beginning of the post.

The member asked me to make the warning more visible, change the title and content of the post, and so on. I did what I was able even though I considered the request to be completely unreasonable. Another member also began to make a stink about the post around this time.

4. One of the admins (no names named) made the quite reasonable decision to remove the adult permissions for the member who had started the forum drama to begin with.

5. Sunni not only reversed this decision, but unilaterally decided to remove not just the offending post, but all the poseboxes I had shared up to this point, citing that “a number of members have voiced their concern about the content of these poseboxes, etc., etc.”. At the time, this represented about half of everything I had contributed. My suspicion is that the “number of members” that she cited were the two members who had originally complained about the post, but as I’m not privy to Sunni’s PMs, I have nothing to substantiate this.

6. I stopped contributing at PBK.

I have nothing to say about Sunni as a person; I don’t know her well enough to opine one way or the other. I can’t offer any criticism of her character. As a creator, I respect her talent. But I have lost all respect for Sunni as a site admin.

I realize that it’s Sunni’s playground and Sunni’s rules. I just can’t be a part of it any longer. I don’t know what transpired between Steph and Sunni, or between Paradox07 and Sunni, but I do think that Sunni’s decision to ban Steph and David was a bit heavy-handed; Steph was a regular contributor and had at the time over 2,000 posts and if I remember correctly something like 130 threads. And David was banned simply for being married to Steph! The scathing irony is that the ban-worthy posts were on a thread that had been started about community building.

That said, I’m not sure where all the divisiveness is coming from. We’re all Simmers; why do there have to be “sides”? Can't we all just get along?

That was unexpected

Date: 2017-01-20 04:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueheavensims.blogspot.mx
Goodness. You don’t mess around when it comes to writing responses, do you?

I keep entertaining this hope that at the opening of the inauguration ceremony tomorrow, Ashton Kutcher is going to pop out of the woodwork and say “That’s right, America! You just got Punk’d!”

I should have probably phrased my preface more carefully. I’m completely aware of the U.S. political situation. I’ve read what the pundits are predicting will happen regarding the Trump/Pence administration. I read about it on Facebook on the daily. My dyed-in-the-wool shitkicker Republican cousins back in Colorado are constantly informing me how Trump will make America great again, when they actually take five minutes to stop turning cartwheels.

I know full well what they’re speculating could possibly happen, maybe, down the road, to small businesses, to the LGBT community, to Muslim Americans, to people of color and so on. I just don’t care. My government is seriously effed up, and it has an immediate and catastrophic effect on me and everyone I know. While U.S.ians are worried about what might happen to the Affordable Care Act in six months, I’m worried about where I’m going to get fuel to put in my tank so I can drive to work tomorrow. So yeah. I understand. I really do. And I sympathize. But Mexico has bigger problems.

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. Back to the original conversation.

I think that at the time when Paradox07 made her post, she was still upset over having been banned. (The original post is on 13 Nov 2016, about a day after the “banishment”) I don’t think that at that time she’d had sufficient time to fully absorb what had happened and type up a moderated response. I’m not justifying her actions, just trying to provide some context. I think that the strong language she used to disparage Sunni was a projection of how extremely torqued off she was. I don’t know her much better than you do, but if I had to guess her age, I’d guess she’s fairly young; this is kind of the go-to response for Millennials.

On the other hand, I understand how it might be disconcerting when a virtual unknown comes into your personal space and begins hurling insults toward a Simmer who you’ve had positive discourse with in the past. If you’re trying to find a sympathetic audience, this probably isn’t the best way to go about it.

That said, to the neutral observer the whole escalated extremely quickly. Here, we teach our kids "Cuenta hasta diez (Count to ten)." Don't post when you're upset. Sleep on it, and when you're calm, try to type out a measured response. Just my two cents.

I’m sorry. I’m wicked tired and I’m starting to ramble. Paradox07 did make a similar post on my blog, and I responded to her at length. If you’re interested, it can be found here:

https://blueheavensims.blogspot.mx/p/policy-tou-download-directory-and.html?showComment=1484880475646

I wish I could focus long enough to elaborate a better response. Ophelia is whinging on because she’s hungry, so for now I’ll sign off.

Re: That was unexpected

Date: 2017-01-21 04:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueheavensims.blogspot.mx
Hi, Hat. Thanks for taking the time to respond to an old coot.

I actually didn’t mind the previous response. I followed the links, and learned a thing or two. When I first came here (Chihuahua), I was in my mid-20s and really passionate about politics as well. But dealing with the same bullshit and corruption, day after day, year after year, wears on a person. I’m glad you’re engaged and informed. Good on you.
You’re right, of course, and I really couldn’t say what Paradox07 hoped to accomplish by posting here. I’ve done my level best to reason with her, but I don’t think I’m getting through. I understand why she’s angry; I was angry when my posts got taken down, too. I don’t know what she hopes to accomplish by leveling these pretty-much-baseless accusations on the personal spaces of Simmers she doesn’t really know. And the onus wasn’t on you to accept her half-assed and insincere apology. Acceptance of the apology is the prerogative of the transgressed, not the absolute right of the transgressor.

I’ve suggested to her several times that she channel her energy into something more positive, such as setting up her own blog/website/personal space. I sincerely hope she does so, and in doing so is able to overcome the trauma of being banished.

I guess my original intent when responding was to try to mend the fence (even though I’m under no obligation to do so). But there comes a time when you have to say “Fuck it, this fence can’t be mended.” For my part, I’ve been a fan for a long time and still am, and I have immense respect for your talent. Enjoy your weekend.

Date: 2017-01-20 07:18 am (UTC)
celticlass: Elizabeth of York (Default)
From: [personal profile] celticlass
What is cis? I've never heard the term before. I hope that your life will not be in danger and that your fears will not come true. I love your custom content and your blog. Since you came out and mentioned your life I will mention mine. I'm white, a heterosexual, a veteran, a Christian, and mentally ill. I have spent the majority of my life being abused in every way. I'm also a published author. I write suspense thrillers under the pen name Hunter Lee. Playing the sims is an escape for me. I love creating my elven worlds and characters and playing in a world where everyone is loved and accepted for who they are. I do have bordellos with both males and females, and homosexuals. Life as it is. I play as accurately as I can and play with elves so I can use clothing and furniture that I love whether or not it fits in my time frame.

Please keep creating. I absolutely love your work. Christians are to love others and I question whether or not they are truly Christian when they attack others. I extend the hand of friendship towards you and love you dearly for all of your hard work.

Keep on simming!!!!!

Date: 2017-01-23 12:29 pm (UTC)
From: [personal profile] sunni
It's me again. I didn't realize that you had started a new thread dedicated to this issue. I want to apologize again that such drama has leaked from the Keep and do feel awful that it's caused you distress.

Everyone is talking about me and some pretty serious and crazy accusations have been flung. However, no one seems to have any evidence to back up these claims against me. No texts, screenshots or anything. I have remained silent at the advisement of those around me for a while hoping that this nonsense would just go away, but it won't seem to die. I have been in the community since 2004 and would like to think that I maintained a decent reputation. I've never been banned, gotten into arguments or made a scene. Yet now I'm the focus of some stressful negativity that I feel is undeserved.

I don't want to use your site as a means to add fuel to the fire, but I have been really sick and upset about these things over the past few months, on top of my real health issues.

Since Jason has been in contact and Paradox made herself known on his site, I would like to address him. I know he's upset that I removed his poseboxes from my forum. I have had a rule since day one that pornography is not allowed on the site. We have minors visiting all the time and I can't be 100% sure they don't make it into the "adult" section even though I try to limit it's membership. From a liability perspective, I don't need those kind of problems. While everyone here is so honest too, I'll just say that I'm personally uncomfortable with pornography, even if it is just "pixelated" people. Despite my own personal objections I allowed the poseboxes to be posted because I truly try not to be a dictator on the forum and limit things that other people want.

However, once the "rape" posebox was shared it did cause some controversy. I did get messaged by quite a few members which included the two that openly stated their opinions of it. I don't believe it's right to remove members that respectfully share their feelings about something. In the end it made more sense to remove something from the forum that should never have been added in the first place. I never wanted it, nor approved of it and once others expressed their opinions, it made sense to remove it. I believe I was polite and logical about it, whether or not the creator is happy about the decision. At the end of the day it is my site and I have to live with it. I'm sorry that this interaction wasn't positive, however I did not ban the creator nor did I censor/prohibit him from posting his work elsewhere.

As for the things that are being said by former members that have been banned -

In terms of Paradox being banned for cultural/racially insensitive remarks...Do I really need to pull the chat transcripts from a third party site and show them off or will her current posts speak for themselves? When members are banned I try to sweep it under the rug because I assume everyone is adult and I don't have time for childish things like humiliation. But I do have evidence of her nonsense if pressed. I think her reactions completely undermine her veracity and reliability as a witness against me.

What can I possibly say in defense against Steph's reaction? She created a whole website and wrote a book about me based on my one post and banning her. From there I became an evil villain in a novella. The prodigious text is overwhelming and includes not one actual piece of evidence or testimonial other than her own imagination. I've never had any real interactions with her and what there was in the past was positive. I'm truly at a loss as to where she could possibly create such a fairy tale about my persona.

At the end of the day I will say that these experiences have been incredibly tedious and disappointing to me. I do care and it does hurt me. I've worked hard to maintain a positive and drama free environment on the forum and in the community. I don't believe I am deserving of this level of hate that I've been at the receiving end.

Once again I'm sorry Hat!

Oh, so we're doing this now?

Date: 2017-01-24 04:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blueheavensims.blogspot.mx
I’ll probably end up rewriting this about eleven times before it’s good enough to post.

@Hat: I’m sorry that the original purpose of your post has been derailed, and that I’ve been responsible for turning your blog into cyber-Geneva.

@Sunni: I will, as always, do my best to keep my response civil. I can’t respond for either Steph or Paradox 07, but I’ll do my best to provide my perspective.

I’ve gone back and carefully reread the Town Charter, and I concede that the “no pornography” rule is there. I would recommend wording Rule 2 a bit more clearly, but it’s there. The rest of my original post stands. I shared the poseboxes because I specifically received an invitation to share them.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but calling it a “rape” posebox is a bit of a misnomer. The Bodice-Ripper poseboxes are broken up into “chapters” and presented in a narrative style. That is to say, of the three sets of posegroups presented, two depicted consensual (but not-quite-vanilla) acts. For the sake of accuracy, the objections were raised specifically about Chapter 13 (The Soldier).

You say “I don't believe it's right to remove members that respectfully share their feelings about something.” This was absolutely not the case. The member voiced her objections, I responded in good measure and met her demands as well as I was able within the framework of the message board (even though I was under no obligation to do so), and her response was something to the effect of “Either you agree with me and cave to every demand I make or you’re an EVIL RAPE APOLOGIST SCUMFUCK”. I’m paraphrasing, of course, but the conversation is pretty much public record. I copied the entire thread onto a Word document. I tried to pull it up in the Wayback machine as well so that I would have screen captures, but there isn’t a time signature for PBK around that time.

At the time, I explained clearly to the member that
1. Sims 2, not real life
2. I do not advocate rape, or non-consensual sex of any kind. To this end, I included it in a disclaimer at the beginning of the post and intentionally wrote the characters perpetrating the rape as unsympathetic.
3. Rape fantasy (as opposed to actual rape) is a legitimate and lucrative (and kinda hot, if the acting is done convincingly) subgenre of the porn industry. The viewer knows it’s all contrived. The actors know it’s just a paycheck. Win-win.

This didn’t stop the member from getting up on her soapbox, nor did it stop you from doing the same after you’d frozen the thread. I’m aware that rape is bad. I made it perfectly clear that I’m aware that rape is bad in the disclaimer at the beginning of the post that no one took the time to read.

Returning to the point, I don’t have an issue with PBK itself, nor with most of its members. For the most part, my interactions have been positive. I have nothing to say regarding your character; I don’t know you well enough to make that judgment. As a creator I admire your work and use it frequently in my stories. My only criticism is how you run your board, and you’re damn right it sticks in my craw that half of my work got pulled down for what I don’t consider to be a particularly valid reason. I still engage with the Keepers from time to time, offering encouragement and wicked modding skills, but I have no further interest in sharing any more of my creations at PBK.


I’m not sure what Paradox07 intended to accomplish by approaching us. I think Hat’s reaction was completely justified, given that the original post was light on evidence and heavy on slurs and disparagements. Hat was in no way obligated to engage with her, and responded as well as she could given the situation.

I tried a different tactic. I engaged with Paradox07, talked her through it, let her vent, and tried to convince her that all of that negative energy would be put to better use if she focused on creating of writing. I think I finally got through to her.


I’ll preface the next part by saying that Steph is one of my oldest friends in the modding community. When we were both just starting out on MTS, we collaborated on a few projects. I made her a modded fireplace a few months ago. She spent a bit of time crying on my shoulder (metaphorically, not literally) after she was banned. When my mom passed away recently, she was in near-constant contact with me. So I may be slightly biased in Steph’s favor.

I never put eyes on the original thread, or on the supposed comments that were added to David’s journal at MTS, ostensibly in your name. All I have to go on are Steph’s word (which I put a lot of stock in) and the posts on the “A Case Study in Sims 2 Forum Etiquette”. That said, the thread is either entirely true, mostly true with Steph’s personal biases inserted here and there, or a really, amazingly good creative writing project. I haven’t decided which. Forum drama isn’t really my thing, and I don’t have a whole lot to say about it, but I believe there’s some truth in there.
From: [personal profile] sunni
Jason, I respect your candor and all I can offer is an apology that we do not see eye to eye regarding your creations. As I stated, I tried to keep my own personal opinions out of the equation, as I do on many issues on the forum, until it sparked a controversy. Knowing the members that complained much longer than you or your works + my own feelings on the matter I chose to remove offending content. I don't regret this decision. It's not easy being an admin because no matter how much I try to stay impartial eventually I have to make judgement calls on things. Some will approve, others will not and I'll never make everyone happy.

When I look at it, this is really similar with what happened with Steph. She expressed that she was uncomfortable with a particular thread. If she had done so reasonably rather than making a scene and attacking other members I would have pulled the thread immediately. And I did pull the thread at the request of another member in the end. My primary rule is that everyone play nice and act respectful to each other. If anyone misbehaves, they're gone. This isn't MATY and I don't want to see that kind of negativity or drama. I don't regret banning her and would do it again if anyone throws a tantrum like that on the forum.

Steph has made some serious allegations regarding my character and motivations. In reality she has no evidence to validate her opinions. Like Hat, I do not really know Steph. I've had little personal interactions with her, Hat and most people in the community. I typically keep my beliefs, feelings, problems to myself and want to primarily talk about our shared hobby = The Sims 2. I have enough stress and drama in real life that I don't need it online too. Plus, I don't think anyone ultimately cares about my situation.

My primary interests are TS2, History, SciFi/Fantasy and Computers. These are the things I want to engage with others. It's no secret that I have a serious health condition, just like so many in the community. It gives me a hobby and something to take my mind off reality. I am definitely Hat's type A medieval enthusiast because I am fascinated by the nitty gritty of knowing ridiculous details of how things worked and functioned long ago. My main motivation for starting the forum was to be able to share these interests. I have no other agenda than to hopefully expand custom content for the historical theme.

The majority of my exchanges around the community have been purely Sim business related or light discussion of other shared interests. I have no negative experiences with Steph, or anyone else. I have nothing to say against her. The majority of our communications were public in chat or through threads. So, imagine my shock to read such a character assassination against me. I honestly have no idea how she has developed her theories when we have never really had any private interactions. I've made no attempts whatsoever to contact her directly or via proxy since she was banned. I've neither encouraged or endorsed others to do so on my behalf. I've kept my virtual mouth shut for months. I can only parrot Hat by stating, if Steph makes these accusations, where is her proof? Where are the emails, PMs, Screenshots? What does she base her interpretations? I don't even think she accurately understood or represented my only and final post to her at the Keep, as she seemed to be looking for hidden machinations. Those who do know me are acutely aware that I don't have the time or inclination for elaborate plots. I just want to concentrate on my Sim creations.

I've been held hostage for months by these events. Paralyzed with self-doubt and truly hurt by the onslaught of words hurled at me like daggers. However, I think I'm finally done now worrying about it. I appreciate Hat's insight that other people's behavior is not my fault or problem. How others choose to react is completely their responsibility. I can only be responsible for myself and have faith that most of my exchanges are equitable. If people don't like me or my forum despite my best efforts, there's an entire Internets at their disposal. If anyone thinks they can make a better medieval site and be a better admin, I wholeheartedly encourage it to be done.

Thank you Hat for sharing your perspective and site to explore these issues. You truly helped me to release a few things gnawing at me for a while. I do feel slightly guilty though that it was at your expense. Hopefully we can move on and focus on what's really important - The game.

My Deepest Apologies and Moving On

Date: 2017-01-29 01:35 am (UTC)
From: [personal profile] theproudlybanishedoutlaw
Hello Hat,

We have spoken minimally over the years. I admire your fortitude and respect your Sim body of work. Thank you for contributions.

I realize for you this is personal. Times are strange and people on edge. The US election bred chaos. Fear is used to justify hatred, bigotry and intolerance in the name of patriotism and protection. As a minority, my spirit has been in great unrest, so I can only imagine how you must be feeling. A saving grace at the moment is getting involved by using my 'pen' to fight against the normalization of bigotry. Inalienable rights should never be up for debate. Please know you are not alone. There is support and love from groups banning together to fight for your rights to simply be.

Initially, this thread had nothing to do with politics. But, it became about that in the end. Please don't feel you were targeted. That was not the case and I will touch on that below. This in no way minimizes the angst you must have felt, nor does it invalidate your genuine response to being violated. No one deserves that.

I am here is to hopefully give you a modicum of peace and to put an end to my being drawn into this nonsense. Your journal should not be used as playground for madness. I'm so sorry.


About Paradox
*************************
It seems I've been an absentee participant in ongoing PBK Drama. After this post, my participation ends permanently.

I will not try to justify or excuse any direct actions taken by Paradox. Only she can do that. However, I do want to bring balance. I spoke to Paradox a week or so after her ban. Paradox sought me out at a site where I Mod. She was rightfully distraught. We soon became "unlikely" friends.

I think people who abuse the power of the ban, come to a place where they cannot see that it is inhumane. The irony is that I sit in disgust as bans are being used in the US and bigotry is the new norm. Which makes this discourse tantamount insanity!

Some people use bans to get rid of perceived personal threats. Bans of this nature are often issued with little to no warning. Contrary to what Sunni claimed here, she unilaterally bans some people and oftentimes without telling the person or her Administrators, feigning ignorance of what is going on when asked.

Since my perfectly predictable and semi-stealth ban, I have a different view about bans. Bans meant to silence people or given without warning are cowardice. I prefer working things out through discussion without throwing my modding weight around like a bully. Banning people comes with responsibility and consequences.

Initially, I wanted to offer my support and allow Paradox to vent (as Jason did on Blue Heaven). As our friendship grew, Paradox admitted to saying things that may have rubbed people the wrong way. I thanked her for trusting me with her truth. Knowing the PBK community as I do, I told her that her words would definitely be problematic. In getting to know Paradox, I also realize she is not an intentionally cruel person beneath all that misdirected fire. She has a tendency to let her passions and personal experiences get the best of her. When this happens, people will be hurt.

Paradox and I don't always agree on things, but I don't condemn her beliefs. Paradox's personal experiences taint her view of similar situations. We've discussed how things like this take time to change, but are essential to cultivate relationships. Today, the two of us can discuss anything, including politics (which we often DO NOT agree on). But, it's alright. We grow and change by interacting with people who challenge us. Given the divisiveness in the States, I think it imperative people start talking 'to' one another with respect. My interactions with Paradox have been respectful. I realize she truly does not intend to piss people off. Unfortunately, she has to engage her filters and seek to understand other people's perspectives. Otherwise, things get out of hand as they did here.

A few weeks ago, Paradox and I discussed how she was handling things since the ban. She finally shared the full details (to include random e-mails). Paradox shared that she had posted a "warning bulletin" on several sites prior to contacting me. I told her I would have cautioned against doing this, because people would find it awkward and disruptive. We talked about my website being therapeutic. Initially I was going to simply create my website and move on. However, with Celestial Spider personally attacking David and I at MTS using information that could have only come from Sunni, I decided to add the Case Study (rather than submit to being bullied). I refuse to pander to paranoia, as Sunni continues to use others to gain information about how I choose to move on. I suggested for Paradox to find a healthy way to come to terms with it and let it go.

After taking a break to care for myself, I called Paradox yesterday. The banning experience can leave a person feeling vulnerable. We talked briefly about e-mail and Paradox explained she had a negative experience with you. I was surprised as my interactions with you have always been cordial, as had David's. I didn't realize that it was about the "warning bulletin". From Paradox's tone, I knew she must have said something controversial. So, I read everything here and then upon seeing Jason's involvement, I read everything on his site as well. I realized that Jason and Paradox have been working through her frustrations surrounding the ban in my absence.

That is the extent of my direct involvement.

______________

I personally don't have issue with much of what you said in reference to me. I realize you don't know what to believe. While I did not understand the tone taken after Paradox apologized, I realize that it was harsh for you. Given the current US climate, your state of health, and Frac & Sunni doing damage control, you were understandably suspicious.

In Paradox's defense (not that her actions against you are defensible), I know her ban was multi-dimensional and definitely involved more than political rants. Sunni wrote an e-mail to Paradox (dated November 12th) admitting that Paradox 'did not' receive any warnings. It also went on to call Paradox's posts "innocuous" (mostly harmless). Paradox expressed feeling violated (as I'm sure you felt here). Before I actually was in contact with Paradox, I received a strange e-mail from a cowardly ANONYMOUS person (who used a quote from Celestial Spider's e-mail to Paradox dated Nov 10, 2016). The IP didn't match Paradox. I suspect that Celestial Spider was trying to see if I had something to do with Paradox's situation. I did not. I was busy dealing with health issues.

Since Paradox shared her "warning bulletin" long before she contacted me, the idea that she was purposefully goading you is not accurate. I'm sure you will find that Paradox shared the same bulletin with many people. While Paradox was indeed somewhat presumptuous (and downright scary in the end), her initial post was the direct result of feeling powerless after the ban. With Frac and Sunni interjecting their version of the truth here, she went into self-defense mode. They are not as innocent as they suggest.

Paradox's original post was a bad idea. However, it did not start out as a personal attack against you. The timing was unfortunate and the exchanges heated on both sides.

__________________________

As for PBK Drama...It ends here!
********************************

The underlying assumption that I was in league with Paradox to destroy poor helpless Sunni is false. I had little direct involvement as to what transpired here, as I only found out about it yesterday. Paradox is an adult who makes her own decisions. My only influence would have been to discourage it.

Paradox and I communicate once or twice a month. But she is one of several Simmers I maintain contact with via e-mail and telephone. Fortunately, most of these communications have nothing to do with Sunni or PBK Drama.

With Sunni and her Jr. Staff (as this is not about the respected Sr. Staffers Walter and Eva), I find this idea of guilt-by-association repetitive. David's ban was exactly that. But, it's all moot now since David has moved on. Only someone obsessed with their own image would be into this.

I honestly don't care what others think of me. It is more important that I respect myself. Some people are quick to to believe you would stoop to their level. Since I am just coming to terms with having Celiac Disease (among other things), I spend most of my free time doing peaceful things.

I don't need anyone's permission or sympathy when it comes to Sunni. I already shared my insights on that sad reality in my Case Study. People who conceal the truth only thrive when they think they can get away with it. They will use any means necessary, including bullying others. After reading Sunni's deceptively repulsive comments about me here and seeing her downplay the vicious nature of her last post, where she was clearly attempting to use her position to silence me, it is truly deplorable.

Clearly time has changed nothing with Sunni. She is still seeing herself as a victim of a multitude of dramas where everyone else is wrong and she is being wrongfully vilified. It is no coincidence that she is the center of attention. How sad. I cannot relate to her theatrical selfishness. She intentionally hurts people, paints herself as the victim and then plays innocent when there is fallout.

In the past, she has gotten away with it, as she did with Raynuss. But no more. Where is her contrition for the lies she told after banning him? Ray and I have been friends throughout this time. I reached out to him in compassion shortly after he was banned. Back then, we didn't discuss the details. But, I know full well there is always two truths. Ray and a few others have since shared their truths with me surrounding Sunni and there is a definitive pattern. Sunni is definitely not innocent and I'm sure Ray will gladly provide the other side of that tragic abuse himself.

Sunni also showed no compassion for the disgusting way she treated me or David (who had been through the most disturbing hell which I equate with being a prerequisite to the US today). Fortunately, we don't need that from her. Neither of us would find meaning in such an apology. Not only did she fly off the handle about a situation she helped to create, but she proceeded to use her health to act as though I wronged her when in reality she wronged the PBK community as whole. Where is her contrition for that? Much of Sunni's "pain" is self-inflicted. Only she can make that pain go away.

Sunni is the common denominator in the drama. It started with Sunni using Heget and banning Raynuss under false pretenses years ago, using Frac and Spider to try to manipulate the PBK community into creating and donating money to their Pet Project, using Frac and Spider to ban and try to silence me and continuously using others to ensure her image is not tarnished (to include in that ridiculous situation with Jason after they asked him to share his content). It must be difficult living in a place of fear and distrust of your own creation. Oh what a tangled web we weave! Every time I am forced out of my sanctuary for Sunni's mess, it's time wasted. This will be the last time.

Since Sunni keeps insisting upon my sharing screenshots (directly and indirectly) and she refuses to stop poking around to see if I actually have them, I shall make the entirety of both threads available for download tomorrow morning on my "Case Study" website here:
http://casestudyinsims2forumetiquette.my-free.website/


They will remain on-line indefinitely and I will no longer be discussing Sunni or PBK Drama at all. I will continue to be available for others and to hear their stories, but this ends with that post. I will only be sharing the threads from PBK and MTS. Paradox can share her e-mails correspondences with Sunni and Spider herself (if she so chooses for verification purposes). Any other "proof" I have will remain sealed unless needed.


I'm not interested in the lies, denials and exaggerations Sunni spews concerning me and others (to include Raynuss, Jason, Paradox and many others). However, when a person cannot even be honest and is constantly playing games behind the scenes, there is no room for compromise. This is a rare thing for me not to extend compassion. However, given the denial, feigned innocence and deflection, I will no longer engage in thinking about Sunni at all. Sunni is officially a non-entity.

_____________


@ Jason
*******
You are my brother in love and a man with a wondrous spirit. I admire your extending yourself in kindness, instead of in judgement. Thank you for your friendship and support. I am strengthened by knowing you.

___________________________________________________________________________


@ Paradox
******
When I think about that temper of yours, I see bits of my younger self (given our age difference). All I can say is "Dial it back!" It is crucial for you to try to put yourself in other people's shoes before you speak. That is easier said than done, but it gets easier in time.

The situation with Hat understandably got out of hand. I don't think you actually have looked at things from her complete perspective. While it is empowering in the moment to try to get the better of someone when they attack you, your comments in the end (especially surrounding Trump) were over the top. Keep in mind that you came to her. Hat is one of many Americans whose freedoms are being gutted, which makes it difficult to have hope. Every action that Trump has taken is a disguise to prop up supremacy under the guise of 'protecting' Americans. It serves only to deny people their rights. Democracy is being replaced with an Oligarchy. The US is resembling isolationist bullies, shouting out "America First" and using 'protectionist propaganda' to pit people against each other. Meanwhile, minority groups and the disenfranchised (to include women) are being robbed of their rights and freedoms in major ways. This is a very troubling time. No one is 'winning' with Donald Trump as President, as Donald Trump is about putting his own twisted agendas first. That's the way master manipulator's work. It's all about the self.

I think your apology would have been better received if you simply apologized and let go of the situation altogether. Sometimes things are bigger than us. Keep in mind, that your "warning bulletins" made most people uncomfortable. I suggest deleting all of them. I hope you gained meaningful insight from this moving forward.

You are growing as person (as everyone should be). It's hard to step back when you are upset. Try to make amends when possible. Since your apology was not received, it would have been better to accept it with grace and walk away. In that way, you preserve your dignity and no harm is done.

As for what transpired at PBK, I encourage you once again to truly let this go once and for all. The best way to deal with Sunni is to make her irrelevant. She truly does not matter. You don't need revenge. You need peace. So, be vindicated in knowing that there are people who hear your truth. You need not be perfect, but the fact that you at least admit when you are wrong and apologize, you have my respect. Build on that and be and do better (as we all should).

We need not ever discuss Sunni or PBK Drama ever again. Take back your power.
_________________

@ Hat
*****
While there is great fear in the world, there is also great love. The majority of Americans do not hold to the bigotry, but people must stop fighting the other and turn to fighting to protect Democracy.

You are right, PBK Drama is not your fight, as it is pointless and serves no purpose for any of us here. So, please try to rest, take care of yourself, find hope beyond the madness that is and stay beautiful as you are!

I have nothing further to add.
Edited (OCD Editing - Username Edits) Date: 2017-01-30 08:17 pm (UTC)

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